A dream I had 7/30/2015

     I have been dealing with a lot of hurt for the past several months that I didn't realize that had actually been building for the past 19-20 years.  Its amazing how satan can keep using old circumstances to bring up new battles. This won't happen if you are strong in the Word and girted with truth.  He satan is getting desperate in these last days.

     I have dealt a lot with abuse in my life.  More than I care to admit.  It seems as it may be a generational curse.  The enemy satan wraps his bounty and carrots in pretty packages.

   With this being said; satan tries to throw many carrots. It is true also that satan tries to masquerade things that they are from God.

I have in the past few years since about 2012 or 2013 we lived in Mission Viejo Ca. I can tell you when the seed of discord was sown.  I choose not to mention at what occasion on this post simply because I have had enough and I choose not to give a foothold to satan. He tried to destroy my marriage and my family and he does so through unsaved family members and friends and anyone else he can throw a carrot. The unsaved as well as the saved to get them to lose their foothold.

I surrendered and told God no more. First and foremost I am a servant of God.  You see all of the things that I felt I was trying to live and do the will of God I was persecuted for.

I am not perfect by any means, no one is.  Jesus is. Period.

Jesus took those afflictions, sickness, disease and sin and He bore those things on the cross. When Jesus ascended to Heaven He left all those afflictions at the cross. We are healed through Him.

I have always somehow compared myself to those unsavory women of the Bible. I have known many forms of abuse.  I have gone beyond that and it took the blood of Jesus and many years to forgive people. It isn't to say I will totally ever forget, but I have forgiven.  Just as Jesus has forgiven me. 

Thank you God.  

There are many people who have hurt me in this lifetime. I will say from the time of being a child to even now as a adult.  I don't trust people at all.  I pray and ask God to help me to forgive these people even those who say they love me. I find it hard to believe that you love someone and then hurt them deeply.  Its like the christian who is a murderer and says he is saved by God and then keeps killing. 

I have prayed and even begged God to stop the hurting of me and Im tired of being hurt by these people. I have asked for forgiveness for myself and for these people.

If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. 19Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY," says the Lord. 20"BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD."…Rom. 12:18-20.

My Dream 

My dream takes place in what appears to be a huge building.  A convention type building but with no rooms.  

I am there alone with my daughter who has special needs.  I am pushing her in a chair.  

Im noticing how light it is in the building but don't really notice any light fixtures. 

Its amazing !

I noticed many people who are unhurried, who don't seem to really be doing anything.  Im trying to find my way through with my daughter and I have a woman just appear out of no where.  This is what she says...

"I know you have been hurt a lot in your life and I want to say that I am sorry you have been hurt."  While I am left speechless because no one has ever apologized to me for hurting me I don't know what to say.  She hugged me.  I turned around and she was gone. 

I started walking with tears in my eyes and asked my daughter if she heard that?  What the woman said? My daughter was stoic and didn't say anything. 

The woman disappeared as quickly as she had appeared. 

I was walking through trying to determine where we were at and find my way. I wasn't sure if I was looking for an exit or an exhibit. It was unclear. 

Then another woman appeared.  She said to me I know people in your life has hurt you. I know people are still hurting you. It is because they are hurting. They are using emotions to hurt you. I wanted to say that I am sorry for all the wrongs your have endured, the pain, affliction and the heart ache you have taken. God will help you to endure this pain. 

I started sobbing. I told her that I am so hurt by people who have said that they have loved me. I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want my children to hurt. 

I know Jesus would never allow this pain. 

I went through this place it was massive and each person that I came to apologized for every hurt and every wrong that I have endured in my life. It was like a place of burdens being lifted. I have carried such grief and bitterness and just pain for so many people. I grieve when I see people on the street. 

A little girl at the Whole Foods store the other day I cried for her silently as I watched her and her family getting meat at the meat counter. My heart broke for this child. Literally fragmented pieces because I wondered if anyone had told her about Jesus and I wept because I hadn't. 

What is wrong with me? I asked. 

I weep because I can't do enough and that I am a failure. I am a failure at everything. A wife, a mother, a friend, a child, I am a failure. 

After I left each area where each person hugged me and apologized they said they were sorry I felt such a burden lifted from my soul. I wasn't feeling sorry for myself. I wasn't feeling that I was being negative. I felt lifted. I felt free. I felt like it doesn't make a damn what anyone else thinks. Even family. I felt renewed.  

One of my very favorite verses of the Bible is Isaiah 40:30...

Though youths grow weary and tired, And vigorous young men stumble badly, 31Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

I woke up.  This was a day that I had an appointment for another persecution.  It was lifted from me before I was persecuted. God has delivered me before the affliction fell. Praise be to God my King. He was in control. I have never felt a burden lifted this way before. I felt like a vulnerable little girl who was strung out from all the things that had happened in her life. God picked me up and carried me. He carried me across the deep water just as I felt I was growing in all my hurts and pains. If we would have been in the sand Im certain while I was having my dream that I would have seen the footprints of God in the sand. 

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I was delivered of my guilt all my shame all my transgressions. I have to ask God daily please help me to deal with these people who are hurtful and try to tear me down. Those who have said hurtful and spiteful things to me. 

I am in this world and not of this world. I love my God and I love my family.  I love everything about God. 

I felt as though I needed to share this dream with you all.  I want you to know God loves you unconditionally. No matter what you have done. No matter who you are. God loves you. He loves that little child in you. No matter what your label it can be reconciled. He can stop the hurt and the pain. 

People are sinful period.  People can be mean.  I know a hurting people can be mean.  They allow the enemy satan to come into their lives being bitter, hateful and spiteful.  They are jealous and envious of anyone who is happy.  

My prayer is that if you have these things built up let go of them pray a prayer of faith ask God to come into your life and deliver you.  Jesus delivered Mary Magdalene of seven demons. He delivered the boy from seizures from the fire. He delivered the Leper. 

My prayers are for you,

The Suffering Servant  Isaiah 53: 4-6.
…4Surely our griefs He Himself bore, And our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, Smitten of God, and afflicted. 5But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed. 6All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way; But the LORD has caused the iniquity of us all To fall on Him.…

Praise God we serve a mighty, mighty God who will never fail and never return void.! 

The call of God upon women

First of all I want to say I know that God has a call on each of our lives.  Whether male or female.  While I have read about the call upon man I am going to relate to women for now.  I want you to understand that I am not perfect. I will never be perfect.  I don't even understand perfect.  God has formed me in the womb of my mother and He knew His plans for me before I was created.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11.

God did not set me up for failure. I have made bad choices.  I unfortunately have not learned to make bad choices sometimes I still do. I am human.  

However with that said: I have got a method to my decision making.  

1. Have I done this before?

2. What was the result?

3. What was the outcome?

4. What if negative results did I do to change the results?

5. What would God think?

I'm really trying to determine why I would put God at number 5?  

I have had a broken heart and soul so many times....

God doesn't turn me away and God does not turn from me.  Instead He tells me to  draw nearer to Him. 

Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. 8Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.9Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom.…James 4:8 

He is an amazing Father.. He really is.  

God says there is a Time for Everything : 

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every [a]event under heaven—Eccl. 3:1-8 

2 A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
5 A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
6 A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.

What is Jesus thought on women ? http://www.gty.org/resources/articles/A168/gods-high-call-for-women

The Greek, Roman, and Jewish cultures, which viewed women almost on the level of possessions, Jesus showed love and respect for women. Though Jewish rabbis did not teach women and the Jewish Talmud said it was better to burn the Torah than to teach it to a woman, Jesus never took the position that women, by their very nature, could not understand spiritual or theological truth. He not only included them in His audiences but also used illustrations and images that would be familiar to them (Matt. 13:33; 22:1–2; 24:41; Luke 15:8–10) and specifically applied His teaching to them (Matt. 10:34ff.). To the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4), He revealed that He was the Messiah and discussed with her topics such as eternal life and the nature of true worship. He also taught Mary and, when admonished by Martha, pointed out the priority of learning spiritual truth even over “womanly” responsibilities like serving guests in one’s home (Luke 10:38).

Jesus touched women to heal them and allowed women to touch Him (Luke 13:10ff.; Mark 5:25ff.).

After His resurrection, Jesus appeared first to Mary Magdalene and sent her to announce His resurrection to the disciples (John 20:1–18), despite the fact that women were not allowed to be witnesses in Jewish courts because they were considered liars.

Jesus treated women with dignity - He showed them respect and He showed them compassion. Salvation is the same for both men and women and that they are members of equal standing in the body of Christ- Gal.3:28. 

• involve mutual love and submission between two believers (Eph. 5:21),
• wives have the responsibility to submit to their husbands (Eph. 5:22; Col. 3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Pet. 3:1). This voluntary submission of one equal to another is an expression of love for God and a desire to follow His design as revealed in His Word. It is never pictured as demeaning or in any way diminishing the wife’s equality. 
• wives and mothers are urged to be “workers at home” (Titus 2:5), meaning managers of the household. Their home and their children are to be their priority, ( women and mothers have a tremendous amount of burden and stress to stay at home and work) To be a helper in her marriage is being made beyond difficult.  
• women fulfilled a vital role in the Christian church (Acts 1:12–14; 9:36–42; 16:13–15; 17:1–4, 10–12; 18:1–2, 18, 24–28; Rom. 16; 1 Cor. 16:19; 2 Tim. 1:5; 4:19), but not one of leadership.
•  the Apostle Paul respected women and worked side by side with them for the furtherance of the gospel (Rom. 16; Phil. 4:3), he appointed no female elders or pastors. In his letters, he urged that men were to be the leaders in the church and that women were not to teach or exercise authority over men (1 Tim. 2:12).
• Men and women stand as equals before God, both bearing the image of God Himself.
• Titus 2:4-5 teaches women to be sober minded (i.e., to know their priorities). What are the priorities amarried woman should pursue? Her first must be to meet the needs of her family.
•  1 Timothy 2:15, which teaches that she will find great usefulness in childbearing. The Greek word for childbearing (teknogonia) means not only to give birth to children but also encompasses the idea of rearing them. 
•  Deuteronomy 6:6‑7, Proverbs 1:8 and 6:20tell us that children should be taught the principles of Scripture 
• involved in ministering to the needs of the poor and underprivileged.

I have not always been perfect in these roles.  I will say though that since my husband and I made the decision for me to stay at home this was and is our choice.  I believe it should be the choice of you and your spouse should you choose to do this. This is following God. 

Women are destroyed today by friends, family and those in the community to try and be a servant of all. They are asked to run a home, cook, clean, raise children and their social agendas, care for the husband and kids as well as serve in the church and schools. This is so much more than is asked if women just work outside the home and neglect their homes. 

It is no wonder that women are confused in their roles. I understand if women are divorced (really it makes no difference whose at fault here) that women are fulfilling the roles of both parents. As well as some men -keep in mind this is about " women only ".  

I know at least 6 out of 7 days per week and most of the time 7 days per week I feel like a slave in my own house.  I no longer have a duty to our church or outside agencies because I have more than a full time job at home.  I have a special needs child and I educate my children at home. 

We have had people attack our family because we have a special needs child and with one parent staying home to care full time for this child we don't have at our dispersal money all the time.  Its a choice we made for our family and our child. 

I have been ridiculed for not working outside the home and told that if we are in debt that I need to work outside the home.  While the ignorance speaks, it costs more to care for my child than money that I can even make.  My husband has been told when he casually hinted we had an insurmountable amount of medical debt for our daughter and that we were looking at doing a fundraiser.  He was told "Go to get welfare thats what it is for, thats what I tell my employees".  

I refuse to give in to those who condemn what God has convicted of us.  You can disagree I don't care. Im not here for a popularity contest -obviously but I will stand my ground.  I have not made my children orphans. 

While I continue to struggle with when my husband has no employment- I have tried to encourage him and hold him up. I have always prayed for him. I know God has a plan for us. 

I pray for women lost in identity and those who struggle with the right thing to do. I also pray for those that God has made Esther's. Those who are working temporarily to deliver the orphaned and afflicted. God will cover you and God will deliver you. 

It's not easy to live out God's design for womanhood. Popular culture mocks and opposes the biblical standard for women at every turn.  

Women were not designed to be held captive or in bondage. God has delivered us when we accepted Him.  Christ is our bridegroom.  Women were not created to be doormats or used. Women were not created to be servants to man.  They were created equal after man to be treated equal and helpers for man.  Women were created as well for the plans of God for creation.  

Women are to submit to their husbands. Husbands are to show their wife submission. It is colored and characterized by meekness, tenderness, and service. It is a humble, servant's love, like that of Christ. 

A husbands leadership that flows from love and is always tempered by tender, caring affection. The husband's proper role as a loving, nurturing head is best epitomized by Christ, who took the servant's role to wash His disciples' feet (John 13:3-17)

The things of this earth will pass away and all things will be made new....

I have watched and prayed and waited as I notice things happening in our lives. Our marriage, a covenant marriage on the Holy word of God. We had witnesses.  All of them. Friends and family from both sides of the family.  We gathered everyone on May 17, 1997.  To profess our love to one another, to make a statement in front of friends and family. We professed to one another and to our friends and family and to the world to say nothing and nobody would ever tear us apart.  That no one could touch the love we had for one another.

Haha can you guess what happened?  We did even finish the reception and my family had already left?  They were confronted about differences in TRADITION.  No one even mentioned this to me or my groom for life.  It all happened behind our back.  

It was already settled at our wedding, our covenant marriage.  

Others had taken over, they were strategically working behind our back to get conflict going.  Why is this?  I see it that satan was working hard because he knew what he was up against.  There is nothing more powerful than a vow between husband and wife to honor and obey God before parents, before siblings, before work, before all those distractions on earth. 

Oh they make it powerful. Our wedding which was truly a beautiful wedding with vows and a promise before God was already trying to be destroyed by those clearly who didn't have the same objective.  The Lost.  

Jesus died on the cross for us. God gave His only son Jesus.  

The bands are a symbolism on this earth to show that we have that dedication and commitment to one another.  There is no one, NO ONE that should interfere with that commitment or that vow made to God and before God.  

Mark 10:9 AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9"What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."

Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary says this....

10:1-12 Wherever Jesus was, the people flocked after him in crowds, and he taught them. Preaching was Christ's constant practice. He here shows that the reason why Moses' law allowed divorce, was such that they ought not to use the permission; it was only for the hardness of their hearts. God himself joined man and wife together; he has fitted them to be comforts and helps for each other. The bond which God has tied, is not to be lightly untied. Let those who are for putting away their wives consider what would become of themselves, if God should deal with them in like manner.

                               to make a marriage work mistakenly translates into a belief that "it takes two" to break a marriage up. We subconsciously assign blame accordingly.

However, the truth is that it only takes one to wreck a covenant, as we can learn from God's own relationship with the northern kingdom of Israel.

Our own understanding of marriage is modeled on the very covenant God made with his people.

God was Israel's husband (Isa. 54:5), who took her to be his own and vowed to feed, clothe, cherish, and be faithful to her (Ezek. 16). In stark contrast to God's faithfulness and care, Israel and Judah shamelessly disregarded the covenant: neglecting, abusing and betraying him. The prophets repeatedly called their behavior out as the violation of the covenant it was: adultery (Ezek. 23:37, Jer. 5:7).

God's marital covenant with the northern kingdom of Israel had been wrecked by her hardhearted behavior, and in Jeremiah 3:8 we hear these words: "for all the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, I had sent her away with a decree of divorce." In Isaiah 50:1, he asks, "Where is your mother's certificate of divorce, with which I sent her away?"

How strong is your covenant marriage?  

Next, some of the worldly interceptions of satan uses to destroy your marriage. 

Broken but not abandoned

From the very beginning I had humble beginnings.  My family was not rich, wealthy or poor. We were living lower middle income.  I grew up on a farm.  We lived on several farms. We lived on farms that my parents raised commercial chickens, turkeys, and even cattle.  

I grew up that I was the oldest of three girls.  We were all 4-5 years apart.  We never went hungry. Growing up in the South you didn't go hungry. You ate enough lard to last for a week. I'm sure thats why lard was in everything.  I never knew "being hungry" until I was an adult and saw homeless people.  Not just adults but children. This was not just foster care. These were babies on the street. God gave me compassion to every homeless person, child, man, woman out on the street. 

"Then the King will say to those on His right, 'Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. Matt. 25:34

Jesus put it on my heart to these people.  One the street, in the workplace, in the stores. I don't question. I have helped in different ways. I am not bragging I am challenging YOU to do the same . Search these people, kids and families and show them the love of God. However God impresses upon you to do this.  Do it now!  

35For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; 36naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.'…

Matt. 35-36

There are many people hurting. God is LOVE. He is not hurt, He is not judgmental, He is NOT political.  He is love.  Do you know how I know someone is filled with the Holy Spirit and is full of love?  When I have seen people with a need and someone gives unconditional? No strings attached. 

This photo above reminds me of all the commercialism in our society.  Its sickening. Are those stores taking their profits and giving to housing or food for homelessness?  Of course they aren't.  Why aren't we teaching people how to fish?  Teach people basic skills. Not everyone was born with a Bachelors degree in hand or someone to pay for it. Maybe that was not what they wanted - you never know where someone has been. Why judge them?  

We don't know where they have been. What is their life story?  Have you spoken to a homeless person? Have you been told they are dangerous? Its not to say that "anyone" won't hurt you.  Homeless people in general are not dangerous people.  If you don't feel compelled or convicted to give to the orphaned or widowed or feel like you can't please pray. Prayer is amazing and brings amazing results.  

Rev. 21:1 says this 

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth passed away, and there is no longer any sea. 2And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband.…

It makes me weep, it humbles me to think that God is coming back for us. He has a new life for us without this hurt, without this pain that we see and face on this earth.  

Are you ready ???????

We are here- but I am not going to disclose where here is..... why....

  We have left Southern California for now.  It is with sad hearts though. We have met some really awesome people there. We mostly met some really awesome pioneers in the Holistic and Alternative Medical treatments.  Wow. I love the entrepreneurial attitude it is just where I need to be.

  We really have to trust God on this one though.  We were running out of funds as it is extremely expensive to live in Southern California.  The rent is very high and when our last lease ran out we moved to a hotel temporary so that we could keep Ms Abi in therapy and treatments.  I dislike hotels.  We all dislike hotels.  We were able to become a fixture at The Residence Inn because they had a kitchen but I will tell you hotel living is not for me.  I traveled enough when I worked away from home before family and kids.

  We had Speech therapy in Northern California that I had to change the appointment on several times.  The problem was getting a hotel with a full kitchen. So I had to cancel.  We won't be able to get a hotel for the solid month that we need for Speech Therapy at The Swain Center until after January. We are all really bummed about this.

  We had another appointment for the family to have dental appointments.  I had planned a few months in advance to go to the dentist out of state once we finished the Speech Therapy. This was suppose to happen in November so I made a hotel reservation for the appointment and we decided to go early.  I don't know if we can get in early or not.  It has been nice to h

  

Where did this all start?

  We lived and worked in Northwest Arkansas.  

We bought an old farmhouse-     it was to be an upgrade from my little house on Village Lane that I built.  

We were crazy in love and had talked and communicated since the day we met. We were blessed with one beautiful little blessing from God at our house in Springdale on Village Lane.  

We also started doing foster care at Village Lane.  We really thought we would adopt a teenager but instead were blessed with many children.  Our hope and prayers for those children and their families is that we could be a help and hope to them to reunite their families.  

Some of those children it would happen for, but unfortunately not for all.  I would have to say this was an incredibly fulfilling and depressing time in my life. While I was over-joyed to help so many hurt it was a blessing to be a part of so many families lives. To mentor children and families alike to educate and nurture -it was also very demanding, tiring, frustrating.  I can't even think of adjectives to describe. 

This is probably the most frustrating job, ministry, what ever you want to label it. The most difficult job I have ever tried to do.  It is because no one is happy.  They are all there because of choices. Right or wrong choices.  The children caught.  The children depressed and hurt and no way to express it. 

Parents caught in bad decisions. The parents hurt, depressed, frustrated.  Parents who worked hard and the other parent slacked. This is truly one of the worst places to be. Then comes the state the one who earns control of "The People". The ones with an agenda to "Reunite families". It actually ends up being a platform to remove children and displace families.  This is truly not what God intended for the family unit.  

I have so many funny stories of the kids and their families. 

            I have so many heartfelt stories watching babies, little kids, big kids, teenagers all separated not understanding.  I have heard, felt, seen and smelled abuse. Its a stench that I will never forget as long as I live on this earth.  I want you to know every child, infant, teenager, and adult who was part of this season of my life with us. I have prayed for you, for your children) and your families so many times. I still do. I think of some of these children who left such an impression on me. 

"For the LORD your God is the God of gods and the Lord of lords, the great, the mighty, and the awesome God who does not show partiality nor take a bribe. 18"He executes justice for the orphan and the widow, and shows His love for the alien by giving him food and clothing.19"So show your love for the alien, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt.…Deut. 10:17-19

This is where unconditional love begins.  We saw the work of God daily in our lives.  We saw God move in situations where I was ignorant.  I saw God do miracles in families and the kids. The laughter the Joy restored in their lives.  

knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.5But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.…

James 1:3-5

If you are weak, then God is strong because He is allowed to work in your life.  He can do a perfect work through His Son Jesus who was made flesh on this earth.  

So thank you and God bless you to God! Thank you and God bless you to all those moms, dads, children, case workers, Head of case management, and to all those families. 

You and your families will always hold a special place in my heart. I still think and pray for you and your families today. 

Sharon, Brandon, Kyle, Mikey, A.J. , Barbara, Brittany, all the babies and toddlers brought to us in the middle of the night. Glory to God we had three- 3 year olds at the same time all in car seats. We had to borrow a missionary's car while they were in Mexico on mission just to move all of our surrogated kids :) 

I didn't think about it- I just did it. I pray God uses their circumstances for His glory and that their lives are changed. 

Blessings