A dream I had 7/30/2015

     I have been dealing with a lot of hurt for the past several months that I didn't realize that had actually been building for the past 19-20 years.  Its amazing how satan can keep using old circumstances to bring up new battles. This won't happen if you are strong in the Word and girted with truth.  He satan is getting desperate in these last days.

     I have dealt a lot with abuse in my life.  More than I care to admit.  It seems as it may be a generational curse.  The enemy satan wraps his bounty and carrots in pretty packages.

   With this being said; satan tries to throw many carrots. It is true also that satan tries to masquerade things that they are from God.

I have in the past few years since about 2012 or 2013 we lived in Mission Viejo Ca. I can tell you when the seed of discord was sown.  I choose not to mention at what occasion on this post simply because I have had enough and I choose not to give a foothold to satan. He tried to destroy my marriage and my family and he does so through unsaved family members and friends and anyone else he can throw a carrot. The unsaved as well as the saved to get them to lose their foothold.

I surrendered and told God no more. First and foremost I am a servant of God.  You see all of the things that I felt I was trying to live and do the will of God I was persecuted for.

I am not perfect by any means, no one is.  Jesus is. Period.

Jesus took those afflictions, sickness, disease and sin and He bore those things on the cross. When Jesus ascended to Heaven He left all those afflictions at the cross. We are healed through Him.

I have always somehow compared myself to those unsavory women of the Bible. I have known many forms of abuse.  I have gone beyond that and it took the blood of Jesus and many years to forgive people. It isn't to say I will totally ever forget, but I have forgiven.  Just as Jesus has forgiven me. 

Thank you God.  

There are many people who have hurt me in this lifetime. I will say from the time of being a child to even now as a adult.  I don't trust people at all.  I pray and ask God to help me to forgive these people even those who say they love me. I find it hard to believe that you love someone and then hurt them deeply.  Its like the christian who is a murderer and says he is saved by God and then keeps killing. 

I have prayed and even begged God to stop the hurting of me and Im tired of being hurt by these people. I have asked for forgiveness for myself and for these people.

If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. 19Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY," says the Lord. 20"BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD."…Rom. 12:18-20.

My Dream 

My dream takes place in what appears to be a huge building.  A convention type building but with no rooms.  

I am there alone with my daughter who has special needs.  I am pushing her in a chair.  

Im noticing how light it is in the building but don't really notice any light fixtures. 

Its amazing !

I noticed many people who are unhurried, who don't seem to really be doing anything.  Im trying to find my way through with my daughter and I have a woman just appear out of no where.  This is what she says...

"I know you have been hurt a lot in your life and I want to say that I am sorry you have been hurt."  While I am left speechless because no one has ever apologized to me for hurting me I don't know what to say.  She hugged me.  I turned around and she was gone. 

I started walking with tears in my eyes and asked my daughter if she heard that?  What the woman said? My daughter was stoic and didn't say anything. 

The woman disappeared as quickly as she had appeared. 

I was walking through trying to determine where we were at and find my way. I wasn't sure if I was looking for an exit or an exhibit. It was unclear. 

Then another woman appeared.  She said to me I know people in your life has hurt you. I know people are still hurting you. It is because they are hurting. They are using emotions to hurt you. I wanted to say that I am sorry for all the wrongs your have endured, the pain, affliction and the heart ache you have taken. God will help you to endure this pain. 

I started sobbing. I told her that I am so hurt by people who have said that they have loved me. I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want my children to hurt. 

I know Jesus would never allow this pain. 

I went through this place it was massive and each person that I came to apologized for every hurt and every wrong that I have endured in my life. It was like a place of burdens being lifted. I have carried such grief and bitterness and just pain for so many people. I grieve when I see people on the street. 

A little girl at the Whole Foods store the other day I cried for her silently as I watched her and her family getting meat at the meat counter. My heart broke for this child. Literally fragmented pieces because I wondered if anyone had told her about Jesus and I wept because I hadn't. 

What is wrong with me? I asked. 

I weep because I can't do enough and that I am a failure. I am a failure at everything. A wife, a mother, a friend, a child, I am a failure. 

After I left each area where each person hugged me and apologized they said they were sorry I felt such a burden lifted from my soul. I wasn't feeling sorry for myself. I wasn't feeling that I was being negative. I felt lifted. I felt free. I felt like it doesn't make a damn what anyone else thinks. Even family. I felt renewed.  

One of my very favorite verses of the Bible is Isaiah 40:30...

Though youths grow weary and tired, And vigorous young men stumble badly, 31Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

I woke up.  This was a day that I had an appointment for another persecution.  It was lifted from me before I was persecuted. God has delivered me before the affliction fell. Praise be to God my King. He was in control. I have never felt a burden lifted this way before. I felt like a vulnerable little girl who was strung out from all the things that had happened in her life. God picked me up and carried me. He carried me across the deep water just as I felt I was growing in all my hurts and pains. If we would have been in the sand Im certain while I was having my dream that I would have seen the footprints of God in the sand. 

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I was delivered of my guilt all my shame all my transgressions. I have to ask God daily please help me to deal with these people who are hurtful and try to tear me down. Those who have said hurtful and spiteful things to me. 

I am in this world and not of this world. I love my God and I love my family.  I love everything about God. 

I felt as though I needed to share this dream with you all.  I want you to know God loves you unconditionally. No matter what you have done. No matter who you are. God loves you. He loves that little child in you. No matter what your label it can be reconciled. He can stop the hurt and the pain. 

People are sinful period.  People can be mean.  I know a hurting people can be mean.  They allow the enemy satan to come into their lives being bitter, hateful and spiteful.  They are jealous and envious of anyone who is happy.  

My prayer is that if you have these things built up let go of them pray a prayer of faith ask God to come into your life and deliver you.  Jesus delivered Mary Magdalene of seven demons. He delivered the boy from seizures from the fire. He delivered the Leper. 

My prayers are for you,

The Suffering Servant  Isaiah 53: 4-6.
…4Surely our griefs He Himself bore, And our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, Smitten of God, and afflicted. 5But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed. 6All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way; But the LORD has caused the iniquity of us all To fall on Him.…

Praise God we serve a mighty, mighty God who will never fail and never return void.!